Fallout Season 2 Episode 3 Recap: 'all That Remains Of America Is...

Note: Complete spoilers for Fallout Season 2 Episode 3!

Good news, wastelanders: Thaddeus is back and he's all ghouled up! In any other world, he'd probably be a villain—after all, he's making children (some ghouls, some not) work 22-hour shifts at the Sunset Sarsaparilla bottling plant, where they're de-bottling the stock to collect all those precious caps.

But Thaddeus (Johnny Pemberton) is so good-natured that I just can't see him as evil. "Keep it up and you'll have big gross calloused hands in no time!" he reassures a little ghoul struggling to remove a bottlecap bare-handed. The rallying cry for his army of children: "Most kids are dead by this age!" Thaddeus sure puts a positive spin on things.

Not so positive: Lucy has been captured by Caesar's Legion while saving one of its members (who they immediately decapitate, because that's how the Legion do), but on the plus side she gets to meet Macaulay Culkin. (Did you know his legal name is Macaulay Macaulay Culkin Culkin? I'll let you Google why.)

OK, she doesn't really meet Macaulay Culkin, she meets Legate Lacerta, played by Macaulay Culkin, and she has the same reaction we all did when we met the Legion in Fallout: New Vegas—why are you pronouncing Caesar with a hard C and not a soft C, you absolute weirdos? (The answer: that's how it was pronounced in Latin, and these guys are seriously into their Roman Empire cosplay.)

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Like all extremists, the Legion doesn't have all of their history right, just what suits them. While Lacerta and Caesar discuss who gets ownership of Lucy, the well-read Vault-dweller schools them. "Prima noctis isn't even a Roman tradition," she says. "It's from the Middle Ages. They were just nasty people borrowing a Latin phrase."

Unsurprisingly, she's hung on a cross to bake in the sun as Lacerta reveals the Legion is currently stalemated in a war with… the Legion. The faction has become split down the middle following the death of the previous Caesar. Lucy's Speech skills can't bail her out, either. She tries persuading Lacerta that the treatment she's getting is un-American, but he's not moved. "All that remains of America is its overwhelming failure," he says.

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Source: PC Gamer