If you thought I was bad at dodging bright lines on the floor, wait until you've seen me fish. Final Fantasy 14 has sent my unintimidating, run-of-the-mill-looking cat girl on all manner of world-saving missions. She's squared up with a dying god on the moon, fist fought an alien super weapon, and even confronted the literal embodiment of nihilism at the ends of the universe. My girl has been through a lot, but the MMO is pretty good at making me feel like there's no challenge I can't rise to meet. Well, that is until you give her a fishing rod. For a cat person, my little Warrior of Light absolutely sucks with a rod and tackle box. You would think the hero of the universe could do a little black magic and complete her fishing log, but nah. I haven't even caught fish that Final Fantasy 14 added over a decade ago. It's that dire. So I'm not joking when I say that nothing, and I mean nothing, in Final Fantasy 14 intimidates me in the same ways some of its strictest fishing challenges do. I don't care how hard the raid is or what new world-destroying evil awaits in the next expansion; the Bobgoblin Bass is enemy number one forever and always. As for the title of enemy number two, I'm awarding that to the Purse of Riches. Like so much of the ultra-rare aquatic life in Final Fantasy 14, both fish are finicky bastards that only nibble on your reel under specific environmental conditions. For the Bobgoblin, you have to wait for the MMO's weather system to bless an old Heavensward map with a very specific weather pattern. Then it's all got to happen within a certain in-game time window. Before Square Enix updated Fish Eyes—an ability that removes time requirements from rare fish in old expansions—you had to wait for the stars to align in a brief five-minute window every few days, weeks, or sometimes even a month. The opportunity could arise at any time, even at 3 am on a Wednesday night, because the fish don't care if you have to wake up for work in a few hours. Happe