Upcoming Skyrim's Hardest Quest Is Raising My Fat Idiot Son

That's not a judgment. That's literally his essence.

When my 11 year old son took a guard's arrow to the dome, it occurred to me I had failed as a parent. Rufus is—was, before the arm of the state converted him into a needlebook—my Fat Idiot Son, a mod for Skyrim that promises "a new level of realism, depth and challenge" via the introduction of "your useless, fat, stupid disappointment of a son."

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Rufus is, logic dictates, the fruit of an illicit tryst my character had 11 years ago, and he is activated by means of a large wooden lever located behind the Honningbrew Meadery. "Enable Your Fat Idiot Son" reads the UI pop-up when you hover over it. "Be warned: Once Rufus is unleashed upon your game, there's no getting rid of him, ever," cautions the mod's description. "And he's just the worst!"

I considered this a challenge. After several hundred hours, my Dragonborn has long since summited every height Skyrim has to offer. The bad, uh, evil dragon is dead. She either vanquished the vampire coven or joined it, I forget. That guy from the Morrowind DLC is dead or trapped in the abyss or something? And damn near every icon on the world map is a satisfying, completed shade of white. There were no worlds left to conquer, save one: parenting.

Rufus would be my masterpiece. The ultimate challenge, overcome. I would take the clay of this pimple-faced, impudent boy and mould him into a man. He would be my crowning triumph, my greatest creation. He might even surpass me.

The first obstacle to my rearing an heir was that I did not, in fact, possess him. When you pull the lever at Honningbrew Meadery, Rufus does not appear. Rather, a robed woman dashes across a nearby bridge (in my game, pursued by a sabre-toothed tiger, which may have either been scripted or a beautiful coincidence; I genuinely do not know) and informs you that your son has been abducted by a cabal of witches.

This would be his first challenge, I decided. His first roadstone on the long path to adulthood. Once I had broken him free of his cage, he and I would—mother and son—clear the area of his kidnappers. He would be blooded.

This plan was almost

Source: PC Gamer